Hot Tea Grog

Ah, we’re gonna talk tea and booze. Hot Tea Grog is a spicy tea drink with cloves, rum and cognac. The brewed clove flavour and the dark rum make sure this isn’t a drink for pansies.

Stuff you need:

- 30 ml. cognac

- 30 ml. dark rum

- 1 cuppa tea
- cloves
- 1/2 tsp honey
- pinch of nutmeg (don't ask me how much a pinch is. I dunno, just do whatever)

How to do it:
1.  Heat tea and other ingredients together in a saucepan and serve hot. You're done. 

Fuck yeah Hot Tea Grog

 Also tastes great with lemon and a cinnamon stick. Enjoy, numbskulls!

Bubble Tea

So yeah. I personally don't get what all the fuss is about, but it seems a couple of idiots wanted me to post the recipe for bubble tea. UGH. What a pansy drink. Tea. Needs more rum. Anyway.

Stuff you need:
- 1 tbsp tapioca pearls
- hot water
- tea
- colourant if you want your bubble tea to look all fancy schmancy

How to do it:
1. You'll need lots of water for this. Put it in a pot, okay? They say you need 7 times as much water as you've got pearls. My advise: use much more. Water's gonna turn out like fucking pudding.
2. Put the pearls in the water, but don't pour them all in one spot.
3. Stir like a motherfucker. Those pearls tend to stick together like glue once you throw 'em in the water. In fact, why don't you start stirring at step 2?

4. Cook. Let it sit for about 25-30 minutes. Amuse yourself with stirring occassionally. If it starts to look gross and stink like burnt sugar, you're doing it right.
5. Drain the pearls. They'll look like fucking huge fish eggs by now, yuck. Soft on the outside. Chewy on the inside.
6. Make tea.
7. Put the pearls and the tea together, add ice cubes and tadaa. You have your disgusting drink.

Bubble tea, bitches.

If you're feeling experimental, how about adding milk and colourants to make it pink, or green, or blue? Heh heh. That'll teach those pesky neighbours not to come over for tea anymore.

Personally, I like cognac in my tea, none of that sissy bubbly pearl stuff. So next up, screw the requests. I'm gonna put down something I like: Hot Tea Grog. Fuck yeah.

Second day of spring

Sometimes, the wilds ain't so bad...

Enjoy your second day of spring, morons. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Cheers!

Summoning Demons

Don't do it.

No seriously, numbskull. Don't go there. Nothing good will come out of a contract with a Demon. Take it from me.

 

Honey facial mask

"Oh Merry, you don't need one of those. You look fabulous!"

Yeah. Stuff it, idiot. We all know I ain't ever gonna win a beauty pageant and you know what? I don't friggin care. This isn't about being pretty or looking good. I'm talking about proper care for the skin here. The skin is the body's largest organ (yeah, sorry to break it to ya, guys). Now we all know Merry likes her booze and stays up late and sleeps in late and looks hella crappy after a bottle or three. So here's a home-made recipe for a nice and relaxing facial. Really easy too, for all you dumb sods out there. Heck, I'm sure you even have all the ingredients right in a kitchen cupboard. If you don't... well, that's kinda pathetic.

Honey: get it in a pot, not straight from the hive. I won't be
covering bee stings for awhile to come!

Anyway, this mask involves honey. Honey's pretty wicked when it comes to skin care. It kills germs and reduces swelling and inflammation. But if you're allergic to sticky, sweet things (like I am most of the time), don't put this on your face. You'll get a rash instead of smooth skin. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

Stuff you need:
- 1 tbsp of honey
- 1 tsp of olive oil
- 1 egg yoke

How to do it:
1. Place 1 tbsp of honey into a small bowl. Or glass. Or whatever.
2. Add 1 tsp of olive oil to the honey. Hard, huh?
3. Break an egg. Gently! Don't mix the yoke and the white. You'll only need the yoke. It'll remove that creepy, greasy shine from your face. Add it to the other stuff.
4. Mix the ingredients until creamy. And by creamy I mean a little lumpy. Whatever. Just mix it good, using a fork. 
5. Wash your dirty face with warm water. It'll open your pores and shite.
6.  Put on the mask. You'll look like a sunny-side up egg. Heh, please excuse me while I laugh at that mental image.
7. Don't drip on your clothes. The mask is pretty sticky. And very runny. Just go lay down and go take a nap or something.
8. Leave for 20 minutes. Like I said, go take a nap.
9. Repeat step 5. Wash your dirty face thoroughly. You don't want your hair sticking to your face because you didn't clean off the sticky muck well enough. Also, dust and dirt may cling to the sticky parts and clog up your pores, which kinda negates the whole point of the mask.
10. Splash your mug with cold water. Why? Because it'll give me a laugh, that's why. Oh, and to close your pores. No need to leave stuff open unattended.

So there you have it. Have fun messing around.

Journal

Let's get things straight first. I'm not keeping this journal because I'm going senile, okay? I ain't that old. I know my stuff.

It's just that the villages keep nagging me to give them recipies, perscriptions, yadda yadda yadda. Wanna do things for themselves. Whatever. What's a Healer worth in these modern times anyway? When people can get their own herbs at stores and through the mail. Do they really need people like me? I don't think so. Heh. Yeah, can you read the bitter irony in my journal entry? Good. That means you haven't gone completely brain dead yet. Damn ingrateful fools. Buncha tossers, all of you.

But hey, if keeping this friggin journal gives me extra time to guzzle down wine and be left alone, I'll be the last one to complain.

I'm gonna keep this nice and simple for you peabrains: I'll write an entry when fancy strikes me, so don't come crying to me about some sort of 'update schedule'. There ain't gonna be one, lads and lasses.

Second, I don't do requests (unless they involve wine or any other kind of spirits).

And last, but not least: don't bother 'flaming' me. I'm a bitch, deal with it. I'll take your flames, put them in my stove and cook myself up a nice goblet of mulled wine. So there. Have a nice day, or something.